Patience - Coach versus Prison Guard

No doubt I could use more patience. Now with that said, many times in my career not being completely patient and driving whatever it is forward has been valuable. This has been very helpful when pursuing goals. When working with team members is has not been as helpful. There are times when I should have been more patient with others to help them understand the why or developing their leadership.

I have decided the other side of me might be more Prison Guard. What is that? Simply do what I said because I said it! AND NOW. Like patience there are times that this way of directing can be needed. Think of teaching someone to drive. If they are about to cause an accident, I am not coaching rather do as I say NOW.

If the world were that black and white it would be great! Finding balance can be difficult and I believe I have been getting better at finding this balance yet sometimes I look back at an interaction and think I needed to take of that guard uniform and be more of a coach.

They are smart (Intelligent)

I was having a conversation with my wife last night and she made they statement that "They are really smart" Probably should have just let that go but I had to ask what did that mean? (Honestly in reference to is everyone else dumb?) So she further qualified that they have their masters and are getting their Doctorate. So I suppose I have to agree that by her definition they are "Smart" The question that I have to ask is "Are they really" By the way I do not know the person she was referencing.

To understand my thinking on this subject as defined there are several books that speak to this subject. One title is "You can't send a duck to Eagle School" or I have heard the statement " You can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree" I believe that in reference to the definition of Smart above, you might be very good at school and there are careers that that will make you very good in your career. For example you will most likely be a very good professor (As defined by a college) However you may be a terrible teacher (As defined by the student)

With all that said, I definitely want the bridge designed by someone that is "Smart"

Greatful and Thankful?

Two things I am very poor at. I am blessed with so many things yet over look them all the time. As I see others struggle with marriage, children or simply putting a roof over their head these are things I have never really had to struggle for. I know that is not by accident, I for sure had a lot of things align from education, perseverance and some luck. I will try and spend more time being thankful.

Bringing out your worst or your best?

I found myself not being my best in several situations and was not happy with how I handled the situation. (For those of you wondering what the situations were, they were not at work and were not in public :)) It made me wonder why I was reacting the way I was? After looking back I realized that it was the person I was around that was bringing out my worst! No excuse, I should be able to control my reactions for sure. Now lets be clear, most people would not have even noticed a change in my behavior. Most of what I am speaking bout was in my head. My own self talk was poor. That is my why. I was (In my head) being ultra competitive (Which in itself is not always bad but in this situation it for sure was since it was not a competition) Where as most of the time my default self talk is around making the situation better, improving others and leading towards a better outcome.

Many times I have that Devil and Angel on my shoulder (Again think self talk) and I do really well keeping the positive influence in control. That Devil is more there to provide self doubt and lack of confidence.

So what was the person who was bringing out this character doing to cause this? Nothing, it was their behavior towards others that makes me get mean. Next time I am in this situation I will double down on nice and every time I see them act mean I am going to get twice as nice (Hey it is that time of the year) I am going to avoid attacking the person and just get nice to those around them. (Yea, take the higher ground) And of course I am going to avoid putting myself around the person that causes this in me.

Mechanically minded or not?

I have always been mechanically minded. What does this mean? Simply the ability to understand how things work and how they work together to equal a result. When I was little and had a go cart I remember I wanted to go faster. (This is before the days of internet) So removing the governor, more fuel, more air and away we go. What used to go 30 could now go 60 (Down hill) and how do I know? The repurposed bike speedometer.

I see that Caden has this ability and Carsen does not. Caden will figure it out if you give him the parts. Carsen needs a class, diagram and the math behind it. Both skills are helpful. Carsen does well at school. Following directions, step by step instruction where Caden will take things and make them work. The interesting thing is how they both struggle with the others ability to just understand it.

What is the lesson here? Neither is smarter than the other rather it is my ability to teach them in a way they understand. (Plus work to their individual strengths) (like that saying "You can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree")

Difference Between a Good Tip and a Bad One

We were at the dinner table this week and I am not real sure how the topic came up, but Caden, my oldest son, asked the question “when a server at a restaurant asks you “how is everything”, you wouldn’t say bad would you?” To which my wife stated, “sure I would” (and for that matter she does!) Why would you pay for a meal that was overcooked, undercooked or just wrong?
The fact that my son found it almost shocking that you would return a meal was very eye opening to me.
When you think about it, we all do things every day, if not hourly, like not returning the meal. We work with people that turn in assignments that might be “undercooked”, yet, instead of sending it back, we simply throw it on our pile of things to cook our way later. Meanwhile, the person that turned in the work believes they delivered something to our expectations.
Now, obviously if the person turned in that work with the knowledge or intent it was poor, you would deal with that differently. Intent matters.
There have been many times when I received work that was not up to specification and I took it and did it myself, but worse, I would then either internally or sometimes externally tell others about the poor quality of work produced. It was pointed out to me recently through a book I am reading, Radical Candor, that I am just as responsible for the poor performance as the person who actually completed the work. I was not direct enough to tell them. My mentor, Hardin Byars, says “Unexpressed expectations lead to resentment”.
In the book Radical Candor, there are a bunch of real world examples and processes you can use every day to become a better leader. The book's statement is simple “Radical Candor is the ability to Challenge Directly and show you Care Personally at the same time“.
Going back to the restaurant, it has been my experience that when you give the server the chance to make it right, many times this is when your expectations are exceeded. You get that steak cooked to perfection and they get a better tip. Everybody wins.

Developing future leaders. Where do you start?

I believe this post is all about my opinion and speculation. I will say that I have been blessed to work with more than one great leader and have been part of their development. So lets just day I have a view from the cheap seats?

Developing leader must start with authentic, humble and vulnerable communication. I know for me it is speaking about my failures. Hey, I am an expert in my own failures. Where did I go wrong, what were the key moments and how could it could have been avoided. It is a bit painful reliving to others some of your biggest failures for sure.

An example of this might be when I was working on another leader and they took advantage of the situation. How do you get past that and trust others and develop them.